V for Vendetta

This dialogue defines the movie...was simply amazed as to how complicated the English language can be!!

“Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.”

It simply means :
“There it is! In view, a humble and experienced performer who works in vaudeville, undergoing someone else’s punishment as a victim and villain by the variations of fate. This face, not a thin layer of ego, is a remnant of the voice of the people, now empty and gone. However, this courageous ordeal of a bygone botheration stands animated, and has promised to vanquish these corrupt, deadly and offensive people leading evil and granting special favours to immoral people and those who dangerously violate decisions. The only justice is revenge, a bloody feud held as a fulfillment of a vow, not in vain, for the value and truthfulness of such shall one day justify the wakeful and righteous. In fact, this creamy excess of words turns aside sharply from long windedness, so let me simply add that it’s my very good honour to meet you and you may call me ‘V’.”

Enjoy!!

What if the human lifecycle was backward?

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time.
What do you get in the end of it? Death.

What if the life cycle was backward???

(1) You should die first.
You know, start out dead, Get it out of the way.
You wake up in a an old age home, Feeling better every day.

(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy,
Go collect your pension, Then, when you start work,
You get a gold watch on your first day.

(3) A woman suddenly comes into your life u dont know how
She's been there always, for ages, does the household work.
Even provides you the occasional workout :-)
After so many years, you get married. The next day you seperate!!

(3.5) You work 40 years until you're young enough
To enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol,
You party, u're generally promiscuous
(hey, you've only got a few years left, what's the big deal?).
And you get ready for High School.

(4) Then you go to primary school,
You become a kid, You get toys,
You play, You have no responsibilities,
And, finally, You become a baby.

(5) The last step,
You spend your last 9 months
Floating peacefully With luxuries like
Central heating, Spa, Room service on tap,
Larger quarters everyday,
And then...

(6) You finish off as an orgasm.

Disclaimer : I have altered this post.
Original post is in Sharad's Blogspot

Dictionary of Dating

Attraction : the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

Love at 1st Sight : what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

Dating : the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

Birth Control : avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphram, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

Easy : a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Eye Contact : a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

Friend : a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Indifference : a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted to by the man as "playing hard to get."

Interesting : a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Irritating Habit : what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

Law of Relationships : the less you care about a given man, the harder he is to get rid of.

Law of Relativity : how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Nymphomaniac : a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

Potato Chips : the hor d'oeurves served at a party given by a man.

Sober condition : in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Disclaimer : To be taken humourously. No offence intended to anyone!

What do guys do to be successful with women?

I know that most guys want to be more successful with women. Every guy does. But what do most guys do about it?

Nothing.

They sit back and take whatever they can get—which is usually nothing. Sure, once in a while most guys have a little luck and meet a girl that will go out with them. But this usually doesn't happen very often.

And just about every guy I know or have talked to would like to have more skills and success when it comes to women. But here's the interesting part: Most guys won't go out and learn how to be successful with women. They just won't do it.

It's as if they had someone say to them when they were young: "You're a loser if you have to learn how to meet women" or "If you're not just acting natural and being yourself then there's something wrong with you."

Well I'm personally think that its all B.S.!

We weren't born knowing other skills like how to walk, how to speak English, or how to drive a car. These are basic skills that we LEARNT when we needed them. Success with women is just another skill, and any man can learn it if he wants to.

Have you ever looked at some of the 'relationship' books like “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?” Those books would be great—EXCEPT THAT THEY DON'T TELL YOU HOW TO MEET WOMEN!

All most books talk about is what to do after you're already dating a woman. They don't tell you ANYTHING about how to meet and attract women. These books only work if you've already got a girlfriend - they do almost nothing to teach you HOW TO GET ONE IN THE FIRST PLACE! And the books that do teach you how to meet women are mostly old, outdated, or just plain bizarre.

Even worse, there are books out there like "The Rules" that teach women exactly how to manipulate men in order to get them to buy women expensive gifts and marry them by playing mind games.

The sad truth is that most men give up and never have the kind of success that they want with women—they give up and settle for a woman that isn't what they REALLY want—or worse—they settle for no women at all.

It was not said simply..Its a dog's life!!

If your bored in Office!

We all have moments (very rarely of course) where we are stuck in office without work and bored out of our wits. We would have surfed (for the lucky ones) all the websites (which are permitted), read all filmy news and be upto date with the latest fashion.

Some tips to keep the mind occupied during those periods:-

1) Form a detective agency to find out who is quitting next.
2) Send mails from lotus notes or outlook to your internet mail (and >> immediately get to the internet and see who reaches first, you or the mail?) and read them there, and note down the time they take to reach there. Then do vice versa.......!!
3) Rearrange the furniture, i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.
4) Watch other people changing their facial ex-pressions while working and try changing your ex-pressions also.
5) Have a two hour lunch; it's a big social occasion.
6) Revise last week's newspaper.
7) Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.
8) Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.
9) Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old.
10) Make full use of the comfortable chair and desk provided and take a nap.

Disclaimer - Follow the above at your own risk. I dont follow any of what I have written except the 10th one.

Corporate Blogging

In my quest for information and my frequent surfing across the vast desert or oasis of the internet, I came across corporate blogs which further underlines the importance and rage that blogging has become.

Blogs till now, were the exclusive domain of individuals who wanted the whole wide world to know how their lives were going on (much like the truman show), travel blogs gave information on various places and culture, share thoughts & information and much much more...

Corporate blogging has slowly caught on and many CEOs now have their own blogs!!

Sure makes for good reading!!

Links

CEO, Sun Micro System
Fortune 500 Blogs
Walmart Fumbles

Microsoft Zune

The iPod has a new enemy in town, with an official release date of Nov. 14 in the USA and a $249.99 price tag. The Microsoft Zune opens a new market of "social" music connectivity.


WMA, MP3, AAC, JPEG,WMV, MPEG-4, H.264 media playback
Wi-Fi (802.11 b/g) connectivity
30 GB Hard Drive
3 inch video LCD 320x240
White, Black, and Brown Colors
FM Radio
TV output connectivity 640x480
Dedicated song download site (Zune Marketplace)
Podcast playback
Updateable Firmware
Tested 14 hr battery life for audio, 4 hr video
3 day playback of Wi-Fi transfered songs from friends
XBOX streaming
XBOX (Microsoft) points compatability
Preloaded music videos
Over a dozen accessories at launch
5.6 ounces in weight, 4.4 x 2.4 x 0.58 inches size
Metric: 158 g, 112 x 61 x 14.7 mm size
Custom background images
WiFi transfer of photographs
Tag based storage system (Will not appear as drive)
PC Compatability (no Mac client at launch)
Zune tag enabled
Horizontal and vertical video orientation

Additional Links
http://www.engadget.com
http://www.zunescene.com
Zune @ Wiki

Experience at the Registrar's Office

Initially I was all excited to get my new house registered and had taken a day off also for it. Taking a day off for doing some work and relaxing for the latter part is incentive enough but little did I know what sort of time I was going to have.

I drove to the registrar's office in decent spirits which hit rock bottom the moment I saw the street. It was big enough to let a auto rickshaw go thro but one way. The building, though not the Taj Mahal, took my breath away. It was in a dingy corner, with small shops in the ground floor, selling stamp papers (where touts sat).

After affixing my autograph in each sheet of the sale & construction deed (wud total 100 for sure), the papers were taken upstairs (the sub-registrar and registrar office). The office was in a pathetic state and had enough people standing around(made me think of mumbai surburban trains). I saw a huge photo of Kalaingar (am sure 5 months back Amma was there). There were other rooms which had ceiling high shelves filled books and ledgers

The papers reached the sub registrar, who looked at the house pincode and started hunting for a register for about 10 mins. The register was not very important, it just had details as to how much stamp duty, land tax etc should be paid for that area! After noting that, he started searching for another 10 mins for a pencil, once found he wrote down some details on the back of the papers in a language I swear resembled the cave writings of Mohen-ja-daro. The only part I understood was the numbers which signifyed how much money should exchange hands.

Then, papers were moved from one desk to another (efficient workflow system) till it reached the Registrar. He called out names, checked photos against faces, changed some numbers, swore some 50 times, scribbled with a green pen over the cave writings, after some 15 mins, finally said please pay the necessary amount at the counter.

I understand that land records, title deeds etc are being computerised in various e-governance initiatives. There were 4-5 people with computers, the only thing computerized I saw was the bill for the amount paid.

Finally the last straw, a ledger was brought alongwith the papers, the attendant said dip ur left thumb in the ink and place a thumb impression (kai nattu) near each of my photos (wondering why the hell I did post graduation).

Finally it was over!!! I was told that an inspection team would come in about 15 days, visit the site and sign the papers (once their palms are greased) and papers would be released after another 15 days.

Rest of the day went well, would have been better if not for the headache.

Contentment!!

Where do we seek contentment?

The dictionary defines contentment as satisfication, gratification, happiness etc.

Are we ever content with what we have? Some say they are, some are never content.

Are we satisfied with the way our life is proceeding? Some get up from their sleep and live their life they want it to be, some simply meander as life takes them.

Right through our life, from childhood to adulthood we are not content.

In school, we used to grumble about our marks. I should have got more, he got more than me!! (I was definitely thankful that I got whatever marks I got).

Discontent with the amount of pocket money our parents used to give and with the amount of play time or TV time we were allowed.

During the teenage period, not content with the no of girlfriends or boyfriends as the case may be (I was one of them). Again, no money for petrol for bikes. Not content with the fun that we were having.

During adulthood, chasing the dream job and salary, hopping from company to company. Again, discontent with your life, quarrels with wife/husband (who you married thinking was perfect for you), raising children who turn out to be 10 times as worse as you were during the same age. People say marriages are made in heaven, the starting is true, then the couple go through hell to make the marriage work.

Who do we turn to for contentment?

I guess the first thing would be is to look within. Are we living the life we want to live or is someone dictating the terms? (Am not talking about the higher authority above us!). What do we really want from life and what do we want to achieve?

One of the biggest mistakes we do, is not speak to our parents and confide in them. We think that they are a generation older and are of no use to us. (I did that for a good part of my life..now I've mended my ways)

Of course..good close friends (if any). Good friends who will stand by you, tell you right or wrong on your face. I think I do have some in this category.

After marriage, your wife who is your soulmate, if you get lucky the neighbour's wife. Your children if they listen to you.

Its like chasing the elixir of life. Even as I write this article, am not content with it, Think it can be better.

What if life had a << and >> button?

Imagine if life had a rewind and a fast forward button..

Would it be a god sent gift or a curse upon man kind?

What would we do if we hit the rewind button?

1) Study better during your board exams knowing what the questions were.
2) Dont get married to the girl who turned out to be a shrew and constantly heckles you.
3) Flirt with the next door girl whom you found cute but never had the guts to approach.
4) Undo financial miscalculations, avoid accidents.
5) Dont take the job which turned out to be boring.
6) Go back in time, buy shares when the stock market was low, making you a lakhpati in the present when the stock market is high.


What would we do if we hit the fast forward button?

1) Know immediately who your wife would be in the future. This is to prevent marrying the wrong girl or to get to know her and fall in love with her now.
2) Cheat Death a la Final Destination
3) Avoid affairs (all types incl the extra marital one) which got you into trouble.

The list is endless on both sides and so is human want.

We would keep committing mistakes and going back in time to rectify it or going back and forth in time trying to live the perfect life that we totally forget to live in the present.

I guess that's why going back in time or going to the future still remains the domain of Hollywood.

Suprising no one wants a stop button except the supporters of euthanasia. Thank the stars that all the buttons are with the man/woman above. I guess even he/she has only the play and stop button.

As for me, I would like to live my life the way its going, my past, though has not been picture perfect, has been good. If I ever get a chance to go back in time, I would like to relive my school life (11th and 12th) and the last 2 months of MBA.

Past is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift, that's why its called the Present!!

Monday Morning Blues

As the weekend draws to a close, the thought of getting up for work/school/college on a Monday morning appears to fill some of us with more dread then others.

I should rank high up on the list of people who dread mondays.

Because of social conditioning we tend to think, "Oh God it's Monday" or "Thank God it's Friday" (for all the lucky people who have a 5-day week esp the IT geeks)

Some tips to avoid the dreaded Monday:-
1. Ask your boss if you can do a four-day week, starting on Tuesday
2. Set up your own business and declare Mondays your official day off
3. Get a medical certificate by bribing a doctor declaring you medically unfit to work on mondays.
4. Feign selective amenesia by forgetting your way to the office every monday.

Advise to avoid the blues (ever wondered why it is not red or black)

It's not only a hectic weekend that can turn Monday mornings into a day you hate, but a lack of organisation. Have an early night on a Sunday. A late night and early morning start will sap your energy for a whole week never mind a day. And before you go to bed iron your clothes and pack your bag or brief case with whatever you will need for work. Then come Monday morning you will be ready for action.

For an even better Monday, start getting organised and clearing your desk on Friday (Easier said than done, esp when we want to scoot on Friday evenings). If you haven't been able to do it on a Friday, it's worth going in early on Monday before anyone else arrives (what about the last minute beauty sleep??)

It's also worth drawing up a to-do list on a Friday. Then when you get into work on a Monday hit the ground running by doing one or two things on that list in the first hour (I would convince myself that I lost the list somehow)

Disclaimer : Follow the above at your own risk. I dont follow any of what I have written.

Till then, friends, Mondays are here to stay. Avoid it ,Hate it, We still have to drag our a*** to work/college/school all the same.

The Cellphone

In India, we get to see, feel, touch almost anything we want to buy be it cars, bikes (test ride), vegetables and what not.

Hell, we can even see how the girl looks, talks, walks, sings, dances (no test ride here) before we say ok, during the traditional ponnu paakarathu thing..

However, how come we dont get to do any of it while buying the necessary evil of a gadget called the cellphone. We are shown a dummy piece which is as lifeless as dead fish (i dont know how a dead fish looks).

How are we too assume how the phone actually looks, whether the display is good, whether it has musical ringtones, clarity of speech and the host of other frills and fancies.

Why dont the cellphone manufacturers provide demo phones to their distributors? Would it cost much to the manufacturer's like Nokia or Sony Ericsson who produce more phones than you can blink every minute?

Maybe it's time we all did something about it.

There is a way out here though..con your friend into buying the phone you want to buy, see how it works. If he does not like it and you like it, buy it from him. If you do not like it, simple..con another friend into buying another model.

So life goes on.

Day One @ Office

Day One at Office is something every person looks forward to eagerly or with dread. As for me, I was looking forward to going to office as I had been taking an break after MBA (actually I was idle).

The day started disastrously with a flat tire. I hurriedly got it fixed and managed to get to office on time. After waiting for about 1 hour, the HR lady, came and handed out a set of forms to be filled up to all new joinees. Also I was told my immediate boss was on leave and would not be available till monday.

I kept filling and filling and filling..it took 2 hours in all (1 hour to fill them all and another one hour for the HR lady to come and collect it. By the time it was time for lunch. I gave myself a treat by paying 85 Rs. for mini meals at HSB. I got my food on a silver platter (literally) with water in a silver wine glass. Now I understand what it means to be born with a silver spoon.

Then after another 1/2 hour of waiting the HR lady came to fetch us and ran us thro a small presentation titled orientation program. I also got caught while stifling a few yawns (I was used to sleeping in the afternoon after lunch..habits die hard).

I was left in the IT/IS division where I made the usual introductions and then the people left me alone. I managed to read Newsweek (Jan 2002) edition and Business Week (May 2006). I guess I dozed off also in between.

I somehow managed to while away time till 5.30 pm and I did a Narain Karthikeyan on my way home.

Phew..Surely there is something companies can do to make the first day interesting!!!

P.S - More bad news..they could have actually cut my arms off..I am not allowed to use my pet device (my cell) in between office hours (9 am to 5.30 pm).